Finding My Heart
by thefrozencherryblossom
Summary: " It's not like you call me Lieutenent Hinamori or anything!" I said in reply."But you don't care what I call you as long as it isn't bed wetter! I actually want you to call me Captain Hitsugaya! Can't you show me any respect Lieutenant!" he shouted. An argument leaving both heartbroken. Can Toshiro fix things between him and Momo? Hitsuhina oneshot. (My first oneshot.)


Momo Hinamori was in her office doing paperwork.

**Momo P.O.V.**

There was quite a lot to do and I was tired. Also I had planned to visit Shiro later but at this rate I won't be able to. Also I'm going on a mission tomorrow with Rangiku to the world of the living so I then I won't get to see him until I come back. I could go tonight but it would be late and what if he's asleep?

I sighed. There was always so much to do and such little time. Then suddenly there was a knock on the door.

"Momo! It's me!" came the voice of a familiar strawberry blonde lieutenant.

"Come in Rangiku," I replied. With my permission given the bouncy, bright and cheery lieutenant bounded into the room. She came over behind me and embraced me.

"Oh Momo are you just as excited as I am about our mission? It's about time we got to go on one together. And to the world of the living too! We can go shopping and the beach and oh it will be so much fun!" she exclaimed happily and I couldn't help but smile.

"Are you forgetting to include investigating and fighting hollows Rangiku?" I asked.

"Oh you're no fun. You sound like captain now," she said pouting. "Rangiku! Why aren't you doing paperwork. You better not come in with a hangover in the morning. Is that sake in my office. Blah blah blah" she continued mocking the captain of the tenth squad. I giggled.

"You really drive him crazy," I said to her.

"Whatever. I think he just needs to chill out and relax a bit. Take a break from paperwork," she told me.

"Maybe he could if you did some Rangiku," I replied.

"Oh but Momo you know I'm no good at that kind of stuff," she moaned in excuse. I sighed.

"I know Rangiku. By the way I think he's looking for you. He's on his way here," I said.

"What! Oh no! I better hide. Wait a minute. Maybe he's not looking for me. Maybe he's coming to see you Momo," Rangiku suggested grinning. I blushed.

"Hitsugaya would have no time to come and see me. Besides why would he need to," I said quickly.

"Maybe it's more he wants to see you than needs to," she said her grin growing.

"Rangiku! Don't be ridiculous. Go on you better go anyway. If I don't get this paperwork done soon I won't be able to go tomorrow. I won't be able to get out of bed I'll be up so late," I explained. She nodded.

"Well I certainly don't want that! See ya Momo!" she said and left. I sighed. Same old Rangiku. She'd never change and maybe that was a good thing. She could always make me laugh anyway.

* * *

"Hinamori! Are you in there?" I heard Hitsugaya say.

"Yes Hitsugaya come in," I replied. He opened the door and entered. A breeze rushed through the office. It felt nice and refreshing after being cooped up doing paperwork. The breeze caused his hair to rustle slightly. I smiled at him in greeting.

"Is Matsumoto here?" he asked sighing.

"No. she left a while ago. Sorry Hitsugaya," I told him.

"Are you ever going to call me Captain Hitsugaya? Anyway it doesn't matter. I'm glad she came here actually. It gave me an excuse to come here too," he explained.

"You wanted to see me?" I asked and I blushed as Rangiku's comment popped into my head.

"Yeah. Um are you okay? You're gone all red. Do you have a fever?" he asked concerned.

"N- No Hitsugaya. I um it's very warm in here is all. I've been doing paperwork all day and I still have a lot to do so. I could probably do with some fresh air later um so," I said quickly.

"Do you want me to take some of the paperwork?" he offered.

"N- No Hitsugaya! I couldn't ask you to do that. Besides I saw the pile you have and then there is Rangiku's on top of that. Am I right? No you have enough to do," I answered him.

"Yes I suppose so. I needed some fresh air myself. Do you want to go for a walk?" he asked.

"I'd like that Hitsugaya!" I replied happily. Finally an excuse to get out of this office. And I get to see Shiro as well. We better not be too long though. I promised Rangiku I'd finish the paperwork as soon as I could. I'll need the energy to spend a week with her.

* * *

"How have you been Hitsugaya? I haven't talked to you for a while. I was going to visit you later with I wasn't sure if I'd get the chance with all the paperwork," I told him.

"I'm fine Hinamori. And just so you know I think I have given up on asking you to call my by my proper title," he said sighing. I laughed.

"Sorry. It's just habit. It's nice to get to talk to you again. You've been very busy," I said.

"Yes I have," he replied quietly. I smiled at him. I had been sad he had been busy but I didn't want him to feel bad about it. It's not like it was his fault.

"I presume you know I'm leaving for a mission tomorrow with Rangiku," I told him.

"What! I had no idea!" he said surprised.

"Really? Didn't Rangiku tell you?" I asked. He frowned.

"No she didn't. Either so she wouldn't have to do all the paperwork before she goes not that she does that anyway. She was too lazy to tell me which is most likely or she just forgot, " he said and I had to agree. They all seemed like the most likely and logical reasons.

"Probably," I commented.

"How long will you be gone?" he asked.

"A week at the most, three days at least," I answered.

"I see. Hinamori?" he said.

"Yes Hitsugaya?" I asked him.

"Will it be dangerous?" he inquired quietly.

"I- I guess so. A bit anyway. They're sending two lieutenants after all," I explained quietly.

"Can you promise me something?" he replied.

"O- Of course Hitsugaya," I told him.

"Be careful Hinamori and- and don't get hurt. Promise me," he pleaded a concerned look on his eyes.

"I promise Shiro," I said quietly.

"It's Captain Hitsygaya," he corrected me, still keeping his voice low and his mouth twitched with a smile.

"My apologies. I- I should probably go now. I have to do a lot of paperwork still," I explained. He didn't reply. I turned to leave but I felt my foot hit something. I was falling forward. Damn. I shut my eyes tightly waiting for the impact. I opened my eyes a minute later. I wasn't on the ground. I then noticed the arms around my waist. Shiro. He helped me up slowly.

"Are you okay?" he asked me.

"I- I'm fine. Thank you," I said quietly. I could feel a blush creeping into my cheeks. I felt so betrayed.

"So much for a lieutenant. How do you expect to manage hollows when you got beaten by a mere rock bed wetter?" he asked teasing me. My face went redder.

"I am a lieutenant and I'm perfectly capable of fighting hollows. And don't call me that Shiro. It's mean!" I yelled at him. He had a small smile on his face until I used his nickname.

"Don't call me that! It's annoying! Why don't you just call me by my proper title!" he yelled back.

"I don't see why I should. It's not like you call me Lieutenent Hinamori or anything!" I said in reply.

"But you don't care what I call you as long as it isn't bed wetter! I actually want you to call me Captain Hitsugaya! Can't you show me any respect Lieutenant!" he shouted angrily.

I froze. My heart felt pained and heavy. I thought we were friends. We had known each other for years. Did he really want us to be formal like that. It hurt me in a way.

It made me feel like he didn't care. Like I was another one of his subordinates or something. Like I was nothing more to him. And I wanted to be more. I didn't want to be a subordinate or acquintance. I didn't want to be friends. I didn't want to be best or lifelong friends. I wanted a relationship with him. I loved him.

Clearly he must not feel the same. I reckoned the pure sadness and disappointment my gaze felt was obvious as I looked straight into his turquoise eyes that rarely showed emotion. He was frozen.

He had realised what he had said. He had realised he hurt me. But he probably didn't really care about me. He couldn't. I was convinced that at the least.

"I- If it means that much to you, I will try my very hardest Captain Hitsugaya. I apologise for wasting your time. I really must go now," I said to him slowly. I turned and a tear leaked down my cheek. He grabbed my wrist but I pulled away. I looked back at him. His face was full of sadness, guilt and regret. I closed my eyes and turned away once again.

"I thank you for your company Captain Hitsugaya," I whispered to him before flash stepping away. I felt the tears begin to cascade down my face uncontrollably.

"Shiro," I whispered.

* * *

**Normal P.O.V.**

The white haired captain stood alone. He was overwhelmed by sorrow. He regretted it so much but he could not change what he had said. The hurt in her face. It had killed him to see. The sadness in her voice. It had destroyed him. But worst of all. That look in her big, beautiful, chocolate brown eyes.

He knew that look. She thought he didn't care. How could she think that? All this time he had trained to protect her. To keep her safe. Now he had hurt her in a way he had never thought of. Himself. He had directly hurt her and there was no one else to blame for what had occurred.

"Momo," he whispered for no one to hear but himself and the wind.

* * *

**Momo's P.O.V.**

"Momo. Momo!" Rangiku yelled at me waving a hand in front of my face. I blinked.

"Sorry Rangiku. I just have a lot on my mind that's all," I explained. She looked at me seriously.

"Momo…. Can I ask you something?" she asked.

"Of course," I replied.

"Did something happen between you and Captain?" she asked. I froze. I had been afraid that was what she was going to ask me. I looked away from her.

"Yes," I answered quietly.

"Was it bad Momo? He was really sad when he came back yesterday. He didn't yell at me for not doing paperwork and he didn't touch it himself. He just sat there with a really sad look on his. Then at some stage it was like he suddenly felt vulnerable or something and he started yelling at me and then like that went back to being his own grumpy self. But you still tell. You could tell he had something on his mind. I was sure it was something to do with you," she explained to me.

I sighed. I was exhausted. I felt half asleep. I had finished my paperwork a lot earlier than I had anticipated and I had been disappointed. There was nothing to distract from thinking about Shiro. Our argument. The way he had spoken.

We had never argued like that before. My night had been restless. I couldn't sleep at all no matter how hard I tried. And another thing. I was confused still. That expression he had. What had it meant?

"We- we …. He was giving out about how I never refer to him by his captain title. I asked why did it matter that much to him anyway because it's not like he ever refers to me as lieutenant. He said there was a difference. That I didn't really care about it whereas he did a- and then he called m- me lieutenant," I told her before letting myself cry a bit.

"I don't know why but it really hurt. He never called me that before and as it was I didn't like the formality of second names even. I really don't know anymore Rangiku," I said snivelling. She looked at me sympathetically and hugged me.

"I'm sorry Momo I shouldn't have asked. Lets just forget it okay?" she said with a sad smile. I nodded. We then left the Soul Society without a backward glance.

* * *

**Normal P.O.V.**

He watched her from a distance, his turquoise eyes never leaving her face. He was crushed by the guilt he felt. What had made him say that to her? Seeing her like this. It caused his heart to feel heavy and painful. How could he have done this. To Hinamori. To his childhood friend. To his best friend. To Momo.

To the girl he always had, did and would love with all his heart.

* * *

**Momo's P.O.V.**

Momo Hinamori and Rangiku Matsumoto had been in the world of the living for four days now. They had been battling hollows everywhere as well as investigating. Something neither of them had thoroughly enjoyed at all.

"This is horrible!" yelled Rangiku suddenly.

"What is it Rangiku?" I asked worriedly.

"We've been here for three damn days already and not once have I got a chance to step into a single shop and don't even get me started on the beach and the like," she complained.

I rolled my eyes and sighed. I too had been bored with the work here and to be honest shopping and the beach sounded dreadfully tempting. One thing despite everything that had happened had remained crystal clear in my mind.

Shiro. That pleading face. I felt dreadful. If I had just always not been so childish and referred to him by the title we could have avoided the argument and still be on good terms. But there was something horribly uninviting about being formal with him. I knew him so well. Better than anyone. Was it really necessary?

"Momo! Momo! Hey you did it again. You totally spaced out on me again," complained Rangiku.

"Sorry," I murmured quietly. She sighed.

"Come on Momo. We're going home tomorrow and I promise as soon as we get back I'm going to get Captain to apologise to you even if I have to drag him over to squad five's office and tie him up there until he does," she stated satisfied with her "genius" plan and I giggled. Suddenly my soul phone beeped.

"Come on Rangiku we better go. About ten of them. They seen pretty strong too," I told her. She nodded in agreement. We hurried off, leaping from rooftop to rooftop. They weren't too far away so it was okay. Little did I know it was going to be far from okay. I really had no idea.

* * *

Rangiku and I had been fighting for several minutes. Only half the hollows were gone. Around six remained. Neither of us had released shikai yet but I knew we may have to. The hollows still remaining were a good bit more powerful than the ones we had already eliminated. This I knew.

"Shikai?" I asked questioningly.

"Good idea. Growl! Haneko!" she yelled releasing her shikai. I did the same.

"Snap! Tobiume!" I said and my zan pactuo obliged.

I sent a massive fire ball at one and it made contact. The hollow instantly disappeared. I also noticed Rangiku had taken out another with the help of Haneko. This was good. We could probably beat them. Probably.

I aimed and sent another energy ball hurtling through the air. Unfortunately the hollow I aimed it at moved at the very last moment. Without a moment's hesitation I ran at it, Tobiume above my head. I wasn't giving it a second to recover.

Contact and it disappeared. Rangiku was busy with her second hollow I noticed with a glance and I moved on. I changed my tactics now. I went with my zan pactuo first this time but it was attacking from the side with it's arm so I refrained from the strike and flash stepped away.

Just in time too it seemed. A second later it's arm collided with the now empty air. I threw an energy ball at it and managed to remove it's arm. I decided on trying to attack the side which had lost it's arm. I flash stepped behind it before lunging.

I was about to make contact and then out of the corner of my eye. My eyes widened and I fell to side. My head it hurt from the impact. And my side. It hurt so much. Something must be broken. I heard myself gasping at the air in attempts to refill my lungs.

It's tail. It must have noticed my tactic. I was foolish. An idiot. Maybe Shiro had been right. Maybe I was incapable. I felt my vision flicker and I panicked. I was putting Rangiku in danger if she had to save me. I turned to face the ground. I felt so weak. Even turning. It hurt so much. That didn't stop me.

"Ba- Bakudo no 37. Tsuri bashi," I said weakly my voice slightly croaky. My vision flickered again and I felt myself fall onto the kido web. I winced at the impact even though it wasn't remotely hard. I'm sorry Rangiku for leaving you to fight alone.

Shiro. I'm sorry. I broke your promise.

And then it was dark.

* * *

**Normal P.O.V.**

"Momo!" yelled Rangiku at her best friend. She had fallen into her kido web and appeared to be unconscious. Incredible._ Even on the brink of unconsciousness,_ _Momo was able to gather herself even to use kido. On top of that she looks injured,_ Rangiku thought to herself.

This gave her newfound determination. She had to get her best friend to squad four in the soul society as quickly as possible. Her worry for her friend produced energy out of nowhere and soon after a lot more of her efforts and fighting, did they disappear.

She fled over to where her friend was. Rangiku questioned the possibility Momo had actually created the web for her sake. With not a moment to lose she placed Momo's arm around her own neck and placed her own arm around Momo's waist.

Without hesitation, as soon as she was sure Momo wouldn't fall from her grip, she leapt away from the scene to find somewhere else to return from. She refused to be picky for she could feel the dark haired lieutenant's spiritual pressure dwindling.

Rangiku placed her on the ground for a moment to open the portal before picking up Momo and entering. She hoped with all her heart she wouldn't be too late. There were few people who would not be affected should she die and one person in particular who would lose everything if she did.

An image of Momo and her captain popped up in Rangiku's head. _No,_ she thought with determination,_ she can't die now, not like this, it would destroy him especially considering their argument. It shouldn't end like this for them. I have to push myself more._

It was a race against time and Rangiku knew it. She increased her pace to her very limits and didn't slow down in the slightest until Momo was in a room with Unohana. She paced the floor back and forth worried for her friend's sake.

Momo the most selfless person in the world. The girl who was always worrying about everyone except herself. Not being able to take the suspense anymore and already tired from pacing Rangiku left to inform her captain of the young lieutenant's condition. The young captain received the hell butterfly and didn't waste a minute getting to the fourth division.

"Captain Unohana, how is she?" he asked swallowing the lump in his throat. He didn't bother with hiding emotions. He didn't care anymore. He only cared about one thing. Or rather one person.

"Her condition is stable though it's hard to tell when she will regain consciousness," she replied.

"Thank you Captain Unohana, for everything," he said quietly attempting to hide his expression.

"You can go in now Captain Hitsugaya and you can visit her whenever you like," she offered and he nodded. He went into the room. The sight pained him. The bandages around her head and waist. Despite this he was grateful.

If she had not lived it would have killed him as it was but under the circumstances of their last conversation. It would have destroyed him. He wouldn't have been able to live with himself.

He was going to make it up to her. He had already sworn it. On his life.

* * *

**Momo's P.O.V.**

I lay on the bed in the fourth division. Unmoving. Not speaking. I wanted to. Every time I sensed someone come to see me I wanted to open my eyes, thank them for coming, say something.

I was aware of everything around me. I knew who came to visit me. I sensed their spiritual pressure. Renji, Izuru, Nanao, Rukia, Rangiku and. Toshiro. He visited the most. Everyday I felt his spiritual pressure at some stage and once when the division seemed deserted I felt the warm pressure of his hand on mine.

It made my heart soar. And it happened. Again it seemed no one was around today. I reckon it was about a week later. All that time I had been screaming at myself, my body to wake up. Get up. Speak but my body didn't oblige.

And then at that moment I opened my eyes. I didn't feel tired or stiff as I had expected but as if I had just woken up in the morning after a good night's sleep. My side hurt a bit but other than that I felt fine. Not light headed or anything.

I sat up and winced at the small pain in my side. I forced myself to stand anyway. I stood without much difficulty and just walked around for a minute to loosen out my legs a bit. I then went over to the window and looked outside. The sky was clear but there was something wrong in the air. I pondered over it wondering if it was something to do with Shiro.

"L- Lieutenant Hinamori, you're awake," said a young boy with dark hair behind me. I smiled kindly.

"Good Morning. You're Hanatorou aren't you," I asked him. He nodded.

"Yes. I was told to take you back to the Squad five barracks if you woke. If you're ready…" he explained.

"Yes. It will be nice to go back," I agreed and we left.

One thing was weighing heavily on my mind however. All this time I had wanted to be able to talk, speak with my friends and one person in particular but now I wasn't sure what to say. Should I go apologise to Toshiro? Should I wait? Should I avoid him?

And in all honesty I was scared to face him. I didn't want another argument between us. Ever. It would be too painful. Maybe I should just avoid him. He probably doesn't want to see me anyway.

**1 week later.**

I sat at my desk doing paperwork. I had begun taking my full responsibilities as a lieutenant a couple days ago. It mainly consisted of paperwork. I hadn't seen Toshiro yet. There was a knock on the door.

"Come in!" I said loud enough for them to hear. I froze. Toshiro.

"T- To- Captain Hitsugaya. How can I help you?" I said lowering my eyes from his gaze.

"You've been avoiding me," he stated. I stared at the floor unable to meet his eye. I stood up from my chair.

"I- I," I stuttered incapable of speech. He looked at me sadly.

"Momo. If you really hate me that much I'll leave," he said. I froze again. I looked up into his eyes.

"D- Did you just call me Momo?" I asked him shocked. He nodded.

"Well," he asked.

"N- No. I don't hate you. I could never hate you. I thought you hated me," I said and began to sob. He looked totally taken aback. Shocked.

"Momo," he whispered softly, "I could never hate you even if I tried. How did you think that?"

"I- I thought you didn't want us to be friends anymore because you thought I was too childish to be around you or refer to you as Captain. But it hurt Toshiro. It hurt so much that I thought you hated me," I told looked at me sympathetically. He covered the distance between us and put his arms around me.

"Momo. Listen to me and never forget this. No matter what you think I will never hate you. I love you Momo, with all my heart and I would never want to hurt you," he told me quietly his eyes on mine.

"You, You love me?" I asked looking deep into his eyes. He nodded. I clung to him tightly and placed my head on his chest. I put my arms around his neck and hugged him. He had his arms around my waist.

"I love you too Toshiro," I whispered. He froze and I looked up at his face. Shock. Then without any warning his face was centimetres from mine our lips so close.

"You do?" he asked me. I nodded without looking away from his eyes. I closed the distance between our lips. His lips were soft and warm. The kiss. It was so beautiful and passionate. I never wanted to leave his moment. I had closed my eyes savouring the moment.

We broke away a minute later gasping for breath. He picked me up bridal style and brought me over to the sofa. He sat down and I was on his lap.

"I was so afraid of getting rejected," he whispered into my hair and I heard a chuckle.

"Me too," I replied quietly.

"How long?" I asked him looking up into his turquoise eyes.

"I realised when… When he stabbed you. I just felt so angry and I guess after, I just couldn't understand why I had been like that. I thought about it for a while and eventually it hit me," he explained. I smiled.

"What about you?" he asked me.

"To be honest I don't actually know when exactly I started loving you but I figured it out… After he stabbed me. I knew I loved you deep down but… I don't know what was wrong with me," I admitted my eyes getting teary.

"Momo, listen. Lets not worry about that. I love you and the fact that you feel the same makes me so happy," he whispered tilting my head up towards his. He brushed his lips against mine before pressing them onto mine. I moved my lips back against his and broke it a minute later.

"Thank you Shiro," I said smiling as I pecked his lips.

I felt like I was on the top of the world. I felt so happy. My heart was soaring. It was so high up I didn't know where it was. But then it was another place too.

Toshiro had it.

* * *

**This is my first oneshot so please don't be harsh. I hope you enjoyed it and please REVIEW! I hope I did well on this story as personally I don't think I'm very good at oneshots but you guys can let me know what you think! **

**Please review!**

**Disclaimer: Tite Kubo owns Bleach(Which is not me.)**


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